This is hardly the nastiest campaign in recent memory. But it's not shaping up as the "civil" contest that both candidates promised either. Instead, we're seeing the emergence of a "smear gap". John McCain making stuff up about Barack Obama, and Obama trying to figure out how hard he should hit back.

As usual, news organizations are deeply afraid to say that one side is more negative than the other. Doing so sounds "unfair." It's much easier, and less controversial, to say that "both candidates" are being negative. That would be "balanced", but also untrue. ...

Obama has negative ads airing in more than a dozen states below the radar of the national media. One ad, in Ohio, links McCain to the 8,200 lost jobs at DHL, the German-owned overnight delivery service. That goes too far. McCain's support for a merger involving DHL hardly makes him culpable for the job loss. But overall, and to his credit, Obama has not engaged in anywhere near the number of falsehoods as McCain.

The bizarre exchange I had last night with my new hair wrangler highlighted how poorly American's listen to one another. Kelly and I chatted as she flat ironed my rebellious curly hair into the sleek submission that matches my book cover. (Audiences seem think I am the cousin of the author if I don't have straight hair...go figure.)

"So, your daughter is in high school? What's she interested in?" I asked.

"He married his assistant. The one he was having an affair with, now they are traveling everywhere together." she replied.

Nope. I am not making it up. That is a direct quote.

I asked her about her daughter not about the ex-husband that she had divorced ten years ago. What a perfect illustration of how many of us don't listen to one another. No wonder so many of our relationships are tangled up in misunderstandings.

Want to have a better day- fast? Listen up. One of the best ways to replenish yourself in the midst of a stressful situation (particularly if you are a woman) is through communication and connection. You can go from feeling funky to fabulous by actively engaging in listening. Paying attention to what you are hearing is a magnificent way to be a better communicator. Why? Because it demonstrates that you value the person with whom you are speaking.

In my coaching practice, I continually see that enhancing listening skills can help you whether you are leading a team of 1,000 or just trying to have a better relationship with that person sitting across from you drinking coffee.

1. Don't Let The Words Distract You

Numerous studies show that less than half of what is communicated is through spoken words. Some studies give words even less weight on the communication scale. Albert Mehrabian, Ph.D. conducted some of the most influential studies on the importance for the nonverbal components of communication. His landmark report rated 7% importance for words, 38% for tone and 55% for and body language for their effectiveness. Whether you dispute or agree with his percentages, they illustrate that you miss a great deal of content if you listen to words alone.

HOW someone says something is far more important than WHAT they say. Listen for infections, signs and coughs. These are unconscious body signals that 'highlight' a statement. They tell you that what was just said was important. For example if someone says, "I love working on that project." and then coughs or sighs it is likely that there is a part of them that doesn't believe the statement.



2. Oh, What A Difference A But Makes

Become a "but" watcher and you'll be dazzled at how much better your perception becomes. Pay attention to the word "but" in any sentence. It tells you, the listener, that everything said before the "but" might not be the truth. "I love my new position, but the hours drive me insane." The bigger truth in that sentence is that the speaker is drowning under their workload.

3. Don't Skip The End

Pay particular attention to what someone says at the end of a sentence. "I'd like to put together a presentation, except I don't know how." Often people make a preamble of what they think the listener would like you hear. Many save the most honest part of a statement for the end of a sentence.



4. Ask Is Not A Four Letter Word

Just because you speak the same language...don't assume you understand another person. The message sent is often not the message received. Masterful listeners ask, ask, ask. Any sales executive knows that the person asking the questions is the person in control of the conversation. An easy way to become an expert listener is to verify that your perception of what w read more »
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"He married his assistant. The one he was having an affair with, now they are traveling everywhere together." she replied.

Just because you speak the same language...don't assume you understand another person. The message sent is often not the message received. Masterful listeners ask, ask, ask. Any sales executive knows that the person asking the questions is the person in control of the conversation. An easy way to become an expert listener is to verify that your perception of what w">            |   Bookmarks